So, yeah, I get it. It's hard to move on from your X. But I want to make it easier for you to see the light and get out of Dodge (or whatever the cliché is). It's a toxic relationship. You need to put yourself first. It doesn’t mean completely quitting your X. It’s all a matter of priorities and understanding the interplay between taking care of yourself and your X. Having said that, total freedom is just a mouse click away. I am talking about switching to ILFORD.
You can start by ordering some ILFORD FP4 Plus and ID-11. This combination of film and developer will enable you to see yourself in a new light, full of new possibilities.
EASTMAN DOUBLE-X 5222 in XTOL-R:
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ILFORD FP4 Plus in ID-11:
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As you can see, with ILFORD, you can still get some of the benefits of that old relationship, i.e., similar film speed and price (if you're willing to shop around), but you can have performance that's sufficiently different and, frankly, refreshing, that it will extinguish whatever feelings of guilt and remorse you may be struggling with after walking out on your X.