hmm...well, I worked for a couple of newspapers as a photographer (been in the NPPA for about 18 yrs now). One of the first front page shots I ever had, was from a spot news story. I worked part-time doing basically all the crap the other staffers didn't want to do. But this one Saturday, I was supposed to shoot a bowling tournament and on the way to it, was called on the radio to shoot a "natural gas explosion" at an apt. complex. They would've sent someone else, but they were shorthanded that day so the editor sent me over there....
Long story, but it turned out that this guy who lived in this apt. complex was blown up more or less, by a pipe bomb planted in his newspaper. He came home from his third shift job, picked up his paper & it went off. It wasn't until later on that this story surfaced though. When I was there, i was just trying to get the job done and shot a ton of film. I had shot the body and all that--I didn't realize it at the time though, since I was shooting the rescue workers removing rubble from the front of the building, and there in the sequence of a motor drive burst, is this body...that was the one that ran on the front, but it was another shot with the body covered. Anyways, I didn't fully digest it all until later in the day. I went back to the paper & ran the film and printed the negs when they were still wet to make the deadline. There was a sense of energy in a way shooting these things on a deadline. I would have to drive often two, three counties away--shoot as much film as I could in 15 minutes or so, rush back to the paper, develop, edit it, print a few shots and then write the cutlines on a selectric on the back of the print--stamp it and get it to the editor. It was only afterwards--later that day or the next that I would think back to how screwed up it was that you could see some of this stuff. At the time though, you could be focused (no pun) on what was in front of you.
I shot my share of spot news--fires, bad vehicle accidents (fatalities mainly)--one that I remember was a fuel tanker that rolled over into another lane and crushed a car killing the family inside and causing this major fuel spill. That was a disturbing assignment--but I actually got an interesting feature type shot out of it with a reflection of these firemen in an oil slick.
Another assignment I had was a fire at a housing project the week before Christmas. I went out there and got some overall shots, but I was framing up this one--of an old man dragging a soaked Christmas tree out of his burned out apt. and he started yelling at me. Basically that I was "the Man....taking advantage of the poor" and all this...well. okay, maybe so. That shot--I let pass--didn't take it. It wasn't until years later that I even really thought about that day though. At the time, I was dumbstruck by the whole thing and just froze up.
alright----fast forward to my present job. Staff photographer in a gov't agency. I shot an event once, where a well know retired sporting figure was speaking...I was shooting with a 180 rather full frame. I could see that he didn't look right--while someone else was at the podium, he went off to the rear of this stage and sat down. Since he was my subject--I panned after him. I could see him sweating--then--foam at the mouth and slump forward. I probably saw it before anyone, but a split second later others noticed and he was on the floor having a heart attack...
Did I shoot this? From about ten feet away? No. I felt intrusive--for one thing, his family was there and they were hysterical. The other press immediately moved closer too shoot it--and the family was pretty upset about this, and in fact the highway patrol officers formed this ring around this guy....A guy I was working with, he shot it. I was conflicted--I thought, this isn't my shot. I'm not working for a paper. We're never going to use this image...so I walked away.
I did get a shot though--from the very back of the scene. It was outside to begin with, and they had erected this giant billboard sized cutout of this guy (he was a quarterback) behind the stage--he was in a pose with his arms outstretched. I got this shot of him getting CPR directly under this huge mural of him as a young man. There are officers standing over him, sort of framing him as well. It's a cool shot--it will never be used for anything though.
Another assignment I had a year or so ago was to document an artifact in-situ, it just so happened to be inside the gas chamber of a high-security prison. I came into work this day, and they told me I had to go out there & do this....the guy who was going to do it, called in sick....I wish I had as well. The whole thing was an experience that I won't forget, but don't want to ever repeat.
That night I went home and threw my clothes in the washing machine, and took a shower just to get this disinfected smell out of my brain...the entire time I was shooting, I was being grilled by some other person--I never figured out who really--about my feelings on the death penalty and all that. It was like a psychological interview...."what are you feeling now as you look at this..." stuff like that. I never answered him--it was like what am I feeling? I'm wishing you'd get away from me so I could finish this and get out of here. The guys I went with, were waiting--they wound up getting a tour of death row since we were right there. They wanted all these shots on chrome film and b/w and the lighting was horrible. I'm trying to actually light this thing--and there's no room....it was one of those days when you try to do a professional job, but everything is working against you. Then--later on some moron will criticize your shots by pinting out some glare or some mixed lighting cast or some stupid thing like that.
The story keeps returning though. We got this piece, and made studio shots of it. The documentation shots became restricted from public use. The studio shots so far have been used by the History Channel--in fact they came and did a video of this piece as well. Two prisoners in different prisons, both on death row writing thesis papers have used the shots. How they found out about them, is beyond me. Then, a patron showed up one day and wanted detail shots of the item so they could have a repro made....I got a call from the lobby saying there's a guy here who says he has the original gas chamber in his backyard.....so, well these photos do serve a purpose.
So, is there anything I won't shoot? Sure, lots of things--but for my job, it's not really a choice most of the time. Alot of times I find myself in situations where I have to force myself to do a shot--sometimes you don't have a choice. The worst for me now, is to have to do somethig that I know will look bad, or won;t work for whatever reason. When you try to explain it to whoever is in charge, and they don;t care. They just want it done. So, I don't know if that makes me lazy, or whatever...I usually try to suck it up and do it, and get it over with and move on. Most of the stuff winds up living forever in a filing cabinet and will probably be used decades from now when I'm dead and gone anyways. The people who use it then will either be in a similar spot and frame of mind, or they'll look at those gas chamber images and say--man, these suck. I do the same thing alot of times--pull negs out from the files and think, who shot this crap?
so it goes....alright--sorry for the long post.
KT
some of this is sensitive, therefore these are my opinions only--not my employers.
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