You need to avoid 35mm and go to large format.
Problem solved.
Ha! That is funny! I don't think others knew you were joking, though!
Pinhole, of course!
Best equipment would be: an old tin can, a needle, and some film or photo paper.
Infinite DOF. Problem solved!
This is the correct answer.
Other than that, get the smallest sensor and widest lens you can find and you will never have to worry about it. Because of these criteria, the iPhone was a good answer, too.