Thinking about giving up.

[papagene]

Stephanie... Keep the Speed!. When my two daughters were small I was a Mr Mom to them during the day and worked evenings. I always had a camera near by, whether it was a Pentax ME Super, Yashica Mat or a 4x5 field camera. The Pentax and Yashica were used most often. Because Em and Mari were so used to me having a camera in hand, when I had the 4x5 out they didn't think it was anything special, but would be willing subjects.
I will never forget my time at home with them, and I have a lot of (different format) negs/prints to remind me. Good luck and have fun!

gene

 

[Phillip P. Dimor]

I take pictures of my 4 jack russell terriers with my speed graphic. It's not easy but it can be done. I use a flash mounted on top of a graflex flash handle, once I figure out the exposure depending on the subjects distance it's more or less simple to pull the darkslide and focus/compose with the rangefinder. It's like the Karate Kid, when he gets the fly with the chopsticks. Once you get it, you can get anything!

 

[Thomas Bertilsson]

I can't advice better than what's been said already, Stephanie. I have lately gone through periods where I didn't know what I wanted to become when I grow up as a photographer.
I decided to limit myself to shooting with two cameras this year. Both are 6x6 medium format. Large enough to contact print with a simple bulb and to see what's actually on the frames. Doing the contact sheets is fast and simple and it'll take some of that stress about printing out of the equation.

Last year I was about ready to dump all my other equipment, but friends insisted I keep it, and for that I am grateful. The speed graphic is yours. Don't sell it. Keep it around. Get a roll film back for it if you have no way of processing sheets. Or just store it away. I have a 5x7 that I use in my basement for lighting experiments. It's permanently set up, because I have a LOT to learn about lighting. So I shoot a sheet or two when I find time. Then I use the other cameras because I know them well for anything that's of stuff I'm actually serious about.

Like you I have little time this year. I work 40-50 hours per week, I put in about 35 hours per week with school. I put in about 20 hours per week on my photography business, and I take care of my wife and 14 year old. I realize that being a parent of a newborn is an around the clock job, a relentless situation. Use the cameras that you can pick up spontaneously for now, and pick up the Speed when the thought has matured that you're ready for it.

If, however, you find that your finances are such that you have to sell the Speed Graphic to get into 8x10 - then I think it's at least a good cause to get rid of it. Remember, though, that almost all cameras are capable of fantastic results, if you truly learn how to use them. There are ways to make enlarged negatives from smaller negatives at a later point in your photography life. It's even easier if you get your negatives processed as positives from dr5 or one of those places, makes it a one step process, and you can view them as positives in the meantime, or even put them in a slide projector. There are lots of options.

- Thomas

 

[PHOTOTONE]

I have been in photography for 40 years both as a hobby and as a profession. I have regretted selling everything that I have sold. Over the years during hard times I have been forced to sell a few things to raise money. Things that were surplus to me earning my living. I wish I had every one of them back, and to get them back would mean spending much more money than I invested in the first place. My advice is: If you don't need to raise money keep all your photo gear. Period. It doesn't wear out sitting on a shelf. The shutters may get sluggish, but they can be easily cleaned. If you want to do alternate processes without a bigger-than-4x5 camera, you can always have your negative scanned and then make an enlarged inkjet negative on transparent film to the size you want to make your "alternate process" print. This is done by artists all the time. You can even scan yourself with an inexpensive scanner, as you don't need much resolution to go from 4x5 to 8x10 or 11x14. (sorry for the scanner mention).

 

[waynecrider]

I vote for dumping the body and keeping any good lenses. Graphics will always be around. When you finally find the time to dedicate to your art upgrade to a camera with movements or to a larger format and contact print. That will actually be awhile off. Even with the kid in school you'll find yourself scurrying to get stuff done. I'd shoot the other stuff and make a nice 8x10 album for the kid.

Flip side: Shoot less exposures and have fun with Ziatypes. Papoose that little bugger and go out adventuring. Maybe a "I was here" baby album. You know, sort of the like the front lawn statutory that gets abducted and goes around the world in pictures.

 

[Jim Fitzgerald]

Stephanie, as a father of three boys ( two out of college and one still in) I can relate. I was only shooting 35mm back when the boys were young. My love was landscape photography. I put my love aside to help raise my son's. For me it was a matter of priorities. I have no regrets with my decision.
When my oldest got into college I started to get back into my art. I got into large and Ultra Large Format cameras and carbon transfer printing. I would say to keep the equipment unless you decide to go larger which is nice for Alt. work.

Jim

 

[Ralph Javins]

Good morning, Stephanie;

Others have already encouraged you to simply store the Speed Graphic until it is more convenient to use again. I can only echo those comments and recommendations in further encouragement to you.

Rinoa will not be small very long. Enjoy this time. Take photographs of her as she grows. The memories that are brought back up and reinforced by those photographs are something that you will treasure. Just a few years back I was able to see most of the photographs I took of my eldest daughter when she was growing up. While the situation that made those photographs available again was not pleasant, the photographs and the memories were. Today, she has five (yes, 5) daughters of her own.

At some point, Rinoa will also grow up. Being able to return to something that you loved to do after the time comes when she leaves the house will be very comforting and rewarding. You know the Speed Gaphic. Yes, the front leatherette is gone, but you know why, and you have lived with it up to this point. It is a part of you.

Stephanie, I did not get to see my children grow up after a certain date. Magically, I was reduced to just a source of money. Only a source of money. I had no other known function in the lives of my children. Not only did I lose them, I also lost everything I had that I could not put into a small car. Now that the "lingering financial obligation" has passed, I have been able to replace most of what I lost of my photographic equipment, but I know that it is a replacement; it is not what I had and what I used to take all of those photographs of my children while I was still a part of their lives.

You have heard the suggestion that you keep and store your camera. I can tell you that this is a sound suggestion and recommendation. I am speaking as someone who had to do it the other way, and I found that there are emotional factors that cannot be evaluated, especially in just terms of money. Only if you experience it will you fully understand and appreciate this.

 

[sly]

Keep it, keep it, keep it.
When my kids were small (I had 3) I sold my all my darkroom gear, my Nikon, my 4x5. I kept a Nikkormat and a couple of lenses. I've regretted it ever since. I sold it all because I hadn't touched any of it for a couple of years, and we were broke. I wish I'd kept it all, or at least some of it. My oldest was a teenager before I got a chance to work in a darkroom again and I didn't finish replacing the gear until a couple of years ago (my youngest is now 26). It cost me 3-4 times as much as I got for my stuff to replace it all. I never lost my interest in photography, but by selling my gear I made it much more difficult to get back to it as my kids grew older.
Keep it. Keep it. Keep it.

 

[per volquartz]

Get rid of it! Its just equipment! Shoot 35 and have fun. Bring the camera with you wherever you go. Time passes too fast. It will never come back. Before you know it your baby will be off to college. You can always get new equipment. Time is what matters!





Per Volquartz



Dead Link Removed

 

[keithwms]

I agree with Per (not too suprisingly). You have to love to spend time with your camera. If that isn't the case, then it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you... nor the camera. It simply means that the camera isn't the right tool for you at this moment. No big deal. Move on.

 

[Vaughn]

As a stay-at-home dad to triplet boys, I think I have an idea of what you are going through...but just an idea. Everyone's experience and way to handle things are different. Before the boys learned to crawl was a great time to use Polaroid SX-70 and do some manipulations (of the boys and the prints!) My first hikes with the boys were without camera...things were too busy herding 3 3-year-olds through the Redwoods. Eventually I started to take the 8x10, planning my shots in such a way that the boys would be eating their picnic lunch when I was setting up the camera for the one shot of the day. Eventually I could take a couple shots on our hikes, depending on the local natural hazards. Then the Boys became part of the images I was taking -- learning to hold very still for 30 seconds to a minute.

Now of course they get impatient, waiting for Dad to take another photo. But now at 11.5 years old, I just tell them to get lost, but they never do...they always come back. And I still manage to get another photo of them occasionally -- in fact I will be heading to the darkroom tonight to develop a few 8x10's, including an image of the boys in Fern Canyon, from our camping trip last week-end (just a overnight and just the boys and me...camping on the beach up in the redwoods.)

So don't worry too much about what to save, what to sell, and how to find the time. Anything can be saved and anything can eventually be replaced. But I will say that 4x5 alt prints of your child will be something that are very precious to look at and to have to give her down the road. But it is still frustrating trying to divide one's time between very important aspects of one's life. Granted, after interacting with three infants then eventually toddlers all day, turning them over to my wife and disappearing into the darkroom was a bit of a blessing...but that was/is the story of my life.

Perhaps you could consider buying a Jobo Expert Drum...pricey, but the 3005 does 5x7 and 8x10...and while the literature does not mention it, someone recently wrote here that they also did 4x5 in theirs (perhaps the one for 4x5's would be better...the 3010?, I forget the numbers))...load it up in the basement, but you could do the development in the kitchen and interact with you daughter at the same time. Imagine growing up watching your mom develop negatives in the kitchen!

Enjoy you time with your daughter! There will always be time for photography. And if photography remains important to you, you will find a way to have quality time with both.

Vaughn

 

[PhotoJim]

I find you don't often take my advice (I wouldn't be surprised if you've never taken my advice ) ... but here it is anyway.

I don't have any children, but I do understand the time issues involved because my brother- and sister-in-law have two young children. I also have a very busy life - I work full time, I teach part-time, and I'm on three volunteer boards - so I know all about time poverty.

Sometimes significant amounts of time go by when I do little or no photography. 2008 was such a year. I did not shoot many images at all - nowhere nearly as many as I would have liked.

You could argue that having as much gear as I have is a waste, but I know I would regret selling it. Photography comes and goes in waves with me. I do it when I am into it, and when time lets me. Some months and years are more productive than others. However, I always get back to it, and the gear always gets used. It's just a question of when.

I know you have a Kiev (unless you've recently sold it). That would be a great camera for taking pictures of your child. It's small and compact, it has a fast lens, and you can shoot like mad at quite a low cost. There will be days and times when you can shoot 4x5. Frankly, I suspect that occasionally you will savour such days because being a parent is incredibly stressful and a lot of work at times. You'll need a break, and an afternoon of 4x5 might be perfect.

As for doing alternative processes, I imagine it will be awhile before you will have the time and situation to do it, but put it in your back pocket and do it when you can. These technologies aren't getting any more obsolete. Do what processes fit your available time and interest now. If that's C-41 processed at the grocery store, so be it.

I recommend that you take three or six months and be sure you want to sell before you actually do. Consider it a cooling-off period. The gear we buy isn't really depreciating anymore; you'll get just as much for it then as now. (Actually you might get more; the economy is expected to be much stronger toward the end of 2009.)

I expect you not to follow any of this. But there it is.

 

[Stephanie Brim]

Well, I definitely don't plan to stay large format-less for long. I really love the big negatives and the ground glass focusing. I just think that right now isn't my time.

I'll put it up for trade first, though, before I put it up with a price. Better to just get things I need in return than money that's easy to burn.

 

[Marc Akemann]

I can't add much to all the good-hearted things that has already been said but as I'm reading all the replies I kept thinking "I just can't believe how fast my own daughter has grown up!" 17 years in the blink of a shutter.

Sounds like you know what to do.

 

[nemo999]

For what it's worth ...

If you have a good Graphic and get rid of it, my suspicion is that 5 or 10 years down the line, it will be rather more difficult than it would be now to replace it with another example of equal quality, and certainly more expensive. I "graduated" through 3 4x5 Graphics and finally bought a top-rangefinder Crown Pacemaker in near-mint condition for IIRC $200 around 5 years ago. I think you'd pay twice that now. Yes, Graphics will be around for quite a while, but collectively they're wearing out, being ruined by being stored in poor conditions, even tossed out by people who don't know what they are. The number of really good ones is shrinklng!

I have heavy pressure on my time for reasons other than children, I decided a while back that I had no time to process sheet film, but just recently I've been delighted to take out my Graphic again and shoot 6x12 cm panoramas on 120 rollfilm. Oher times, I shoot 6x9 and 6x6 cm with a 3x4 Graphic, these cameras are available for peanuts.

If you don't need the money or the space - keep your Graphic!

 

[Laurent]

The first time you look at a ground glass image is magic.

For me, it's magic even the 1000th time !!! What I find marvelous is that it's also magic for my son, who is very interested by all my cameras, and the view camera especially, due to the huge ground glass. For him there is no question about the fact that a photograph has to be developed, and that the outcome is a negative.

 

[k_jupiter]

Steph,

You know I have taken an interest in your LF journey, almost from the start. While I do a fair amount of work some months these days with a lot of equipment, for years all I had was my FM2 with 2 prime lens, my C220 with a 65mm on it, and my Speed graphic with a 150 Fujinon lens on it. From 1986 when I bought the the Speed after I got out of photography school and got married, till 2000 or so, that Speed was used for an occasional vacation trip to New Brunswick Canada, one day trip in downtown Boston, and one trip to Albuquerque New Mexico. Not a lot of shooting. But... the images. They were and are some of the finest stuff I produced over that 15 year period. Not many, less than 30 sheets of film.

Put the box away. It will be there when you need it. It can be a minor point of desire for when you do take a trip. A 'project', just to get ten sheets of film exposed. Your significant other will help with the kid, you will go out, do a bit of great work, come home happy and fulfilled. Can't do that if you've given the equipment away. And give it away you will these days.

The rest of the time, you have your MF and 135 equipment to soothe the desire to capture the images of your daughter. One day, and it might just happen, it did for me, your daughter will want to know how to take a B&W image using 'old' cameras and not the latest wizzbang image recorder.

And the camera will be there.


tim in san jose

 

[xtolsniffer]

I have many of the same issues, though I use MF and 35mm. I have a darkroom in the garage and two small children. I hardly get time to either take pictures or develop/print them by the time you've played with the children, fed them, read them stories and (most commonly) cleaned up after them. To keep me ticking along I made them the subject of most of my photography, and I do still get out with them AND the camera. It can be frustrating, a few weekends ago I had to abandon a shoot at the Bridestones in North Yorkshire (UK) due to my five year old climbing up a rock face and getting stuck while I was distracted taking a light reading. The upside is that they have already gotten into photography. My five year old loves looking down the WLF of my RB67 (he's fascinated that everything is back to front), and he always gets to push the cable release. Oh and the all terrain pushchair is great for carrying the tripod. He's still totally banned from the darkroom though......

 

[Ed Sukach]

I wish I knew of a "key", a Rosetta Stone, a switch that both of us could activate - and break out of a morbid stage called "Artist's Block" - for that is what I think is the proper name for this syndrome. Logically it is a manifestation of something greater - depression.
One characteristic of depression is the destruction of energy. Simple tasks seem to require great effort, and one spends a lot of time involved in trying to determine, "What will it be like in the immediate future should I finally get to that pinhole color photography I once planned.

Ill suggest we are both "blocked" You are affected by the energy you devote to your children ... and that is certainly reasonable, NOBLE, sacred ...

I am blocked by the limitations of physical problems. Something over a month ago, I experienced emergency open-heart surgery, to correct a procedural error; In obtaining a biopsy of heart tissue, the ventricular wall of my heart was pierced. My chest had to be "cracked"; I was flayed open like a cod (still fascinated by the image); mopped, vacuumed, stitched, pop-riveted, wired, glued - and my heart successfuly restarted.
I'm recovering nicely - another miracle added to a long list.

The worst part of this is the creation of access to a number of "intellectualizations" ... ready made, and easily obtainable excuses to be used in dodging the bete' noir - the "black beast" that rhe fear of running out of necessary energy in the pursuit of photography has become. I'm still limited to lifting no more than ten pounds. I nap - sleep a lot, and suffer from insomnia ...
In short, I just can't get my ass "in gear".
I HATE being blocked.
What to do?

I don't think masochistically beating of the body, or the soul, is the way to go. All I'll do - in reality, all I CAN do, is to "scale back", for the time being. I doubt if I'll ever lose my love of photography or art, so I continue to read, visit APUG, and dream of the excited energy I pray will return.

I wish my social life was "tighter". I've already sensed that no one - or very few - want to be around a depressed/ blocked person... and that description of "what happened" is as far as I have deviated from, "Don't show people your scars".

I wish you were situated closer to Ipswich. "Going for coffee" would be good.

 

[P C Headland]

Hi

Keep the camera, and do find a way to give yourself some time - we all need it.

We've got an "under 4", and he loves being with Dad when Dad's home!. I've learnt some things from him that I have used in photography - seeing things from another (child's) point of view, a sense of wonder in whats around, which gets me seeing all sorts of new things in everyday items and places

I've managed to shoot some LF shots of him playing - handheld, using my MPP Microtechnical, which has a coupled RF. You should be able to do the same with your LF kit. Maybe print some of these using alt. processes - i.e. combine some of your photo time with your child.

Every once in a while, I organise a day off (with a photographer friend), and we spend the day shooting whatever takes our fancy. Sanity time - everyone needs it.

 

[Steve Roberts]

Even with no commitments such as small children (or, indeed, any children!) there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything photographic that I'd like to as well as working five days a week and doing all the things that have to be done in life. I'm sure that when I snuff it I'll leave a pile of unread books, a stack of unexposed film/paper and a load of photographic gear with plenty of life left in it and lots of unexplored potential. Just need to retire asap to minimise all the above!

Steve

 

[mjs]

Stephanie;

I'm a little older than you (ok, I'm a lot older. But I'm in denial!) and have gone through this myself. It's a hard decision to make, but I'm sure you'll do what's right for you. I recall that Imogene Cunningham, one of my all-time favorite photographers, stopped photographing completely for several years after her twins were born -- and this was the 1920's when an 8x10 was considered a 'normal' camera! After the boys got a little older (toddlers,) she began photographing again -- them, of course, and stuff in her garden because that's about as far away as she could get. You know, still life stuff. You may have seen some of them, possibly her magnolia blossoms? She'd vanish into the darkroom in her basement at night, after the twins were asleep and her husband fed. Well, she had already worked as a professional before her kids, so I suppose it was easier for her to disappear into a smelly darkroom from time to time.

Good luck. If I had a 50mm Nikon, I'd give it to you, just to encourage you. Alas, almost all my 35mm is Minolta. I'm sure that whatever direction you take, it will work out.

Mike

 

[jolefler]

Ya' don't need to feed it.....

and you'll be sorry when rollfilm is gone forever, so the only available silver medium will be in sheet form.

Meanwhile, shoot the heck outta 35 & 70mm. Roll some 12 ex cartridges so they're in and out of the camera faster.....steal 20 min. to run a roll... later another 20 min to run contacts. Live on the edge and get all geeked about the print you're gonna make when you get another 20!

Jo

PS, ....it doesn't eat much, anyway

 

[Larry Bullis]

...I recall that Imogene Cunningham, one of my all-time favorite photographers, stopped photographing completely for several years after her twins were born -- and this was the 1920's when an 8x10 was considered a 'normal' camera! After the boys got a little older (toddlers,) she began photographing again -- them, of course, and stuff in her garden because that's about as far away as she could get. You know, still life stuff. You may have seen some of them, possibly her magnolia blossoms? She'd vanish into the darkroom in her basement at night, after the twins were asleep and her husband fed. Well, she had already worked as a professional before her kids, so I suppose it was easier for her to disappear into a smelly darkroom from time to time.

I wouldn't dream of advising about selling/keeping. We each have our unique circumstances.

What I would advise is that you find a copy of the film "Never Give Up" which was made in about 1967 of Imogen. There are other films about her, but this one really shows her as she was, and she was a bona fide unique individual. If you haven't seen it, please do so immediately!

I knew her, and I know that she'd walk around watering plants, do the ironing, etc. all while developing film, carrying the tank around with her. I don't know about developing film while cooking, but I'm still alive, if that indicates anything. Of course the boys had grown up by then, but in the film she talks briefly about being a professional with children. I doubt she is going to give you the answer to your specific question, but may give you new ways to think about it, whatever you end up doing.

I'm sure you'd enjoy it, even if that's all you get out of it. She was more fun than the proverbial barrel of monkeys.

 

[Stephanie Brim]

I'll see if my local library has that video.

I want to stress again that I won't be giving up large format for the rest of my life, just right now while Rinoa is really young. For me, this is an opportunity to go back to shooting quick and dirty with a 35mm camera while doing some serious work with the Mamiya C3. It's a chance to go almost completely tripodless, which will help with the time thing.

And besides...I think I do want a larger format. We'll see.