Fixer, even a long lens on a good SLR or DSLR can function as a flash spot meter if it's synched to trigger the flash.
(With the SLR solution, you have to dial the knob to get the reading from spot to spot - with a dedicated flash meter you can get the actual reading instantly. IE, meter your shadow with the spot meter, you'll get 1/4 second and you can zone up to 1/16 and see how that compares to nuetral gray or an incident reading. With the DSLR, you take your shadow reading, it's way underexposed, and you hit and miss til you set the shutter to 1/4. Then you shift to a gray card and click - overexposed, dial, click, dial, click).
The only affordable spot meter that does flash (far as I know) would be a used Minolta Spot Meter F - about $125 - $200 used. It has a PC outlet. New meters with spot functions are PRICEY bastards!!!
I do think the best way to go is:
Use spot metering;
Do some tests with your film and dev combo, and leave the set up. Get a print at normal paper contrast, and shoot the same setup with your DSLR. Convert to monochrome in camera (if your DSLR will do that, most current ones should) and see how it compares with highlight and shadow detail. Dial in a custom JPEG setting that approximates your film/dev/paper response and save it with a name that makes sense. It may take several shots to dial it in, but then it's done. (And an HDMI TV or monitor is pretty kickass when doing this as well).
This is really, really helpful due to the nature of flash - often there will be a little ping or reflection or something "off" in softness or falloff that you're just not seeing with model lights. And, it's really huge to me - HUGE - to see the shot as a shot - a static frame - vs. through a viewfinder. I always discover things when studying a polaroid (or screen) that I didn't really "see".
I just did the film/dev paper test, and then today I tested some FUJI 3000 Polaroid (So camera exposure settings changed as my film/dev works best at 200-320 ASA and the Fuji is... 3200). Very close match, but significantly less shadow detail. So if I use the Fuji on set, I'll need to remind myself "the shadows are there!" and not over compensate. Sort of a moot point, as 3000 was discontinued last year. I'll buy a few more packs and stash 'em in the fridge...
I do like using the Polaroid, but the DSLR will really be the only likely visual solution long-term. Good luck as you progress with this!