[I recently rediscovered this favorite oldie]
From us ("the wishors") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"):
Please accept without obligation, explicit or implicit, our best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct,
low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter
solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for
the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their
choice not to practice religious or secular traditions.
Please also accept, under aforesaid waiver of obligation on your part, our
best wishes for a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of this calendar year of the Common Era,
but with due respect for the calendars of all cultures or sects, and for the
race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of
computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you acknowledge that:
This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal at the
wishor's discretion.
This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall
be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the
wishor are acknowledged.
This greeting implies no warranty on the part of the wishors to fulfill
these wishes, nor any ability of the wishors to do so, merely a beneficent
hope on the part of the wishors that they in fact occur.
This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the
restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain
jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishors.
This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within
the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until
the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this
wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour",
or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall
not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all
proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby
acknowledged.
Sincerely,
Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe
Attorneys at Law