Well, one crystal may have one nucleus, many or none and the amount determines development. If there are none, it is a 'dead grain' which will not expose or develop.
Now, once exposed a grain can develop partially or to completion. The development to completion depends on developer and condition of development (time and concentration).
Both Haist and Mees and James show all of these variants. Solvent developers behave differently than physical developers and pure HQ behaves diffferently than others. AgCl tends to develop the entire grain, but (now get this) Iodide emulsions tend to be restrained. In an example of a pure iodide emulsion, the photomicrograph clearly shows that most of the grain is intact with filaments surrounding it.
Now, as for DIR couplers, since the coupler is NOT a grain, it only affects the grain that caused it to react by chance and therefore it is like iodide in the above example. With enough, it can terminate development or retard it.
My point being this: You are right in saying that unchecked, an exposed silver halide grain under ideal conditions develops totally! However, developmet is checked by the photographer, modified for desired effect and grains are never ideal. This process results in a fully analog process with nuances to be supplied in an artistic manner.
And, to highlight this, digital is always on or off, under control of the computer and does not allow this control. Therefore we see the differences being discussed.
For those interested, I refer them to Haist, Volume I, and Mees and James for some excellent electron micrographs showing developent at all stages and on all types of crystals (or at least as many as possible in a limited volume).
PE