100K does not mean "100kPF", it means 10pF with tolerance K (10%); if you buy one marked 100K, it is 10000x too small. The marking
XYZ means XY * 10^Z pF so if you want 10nF, it needs to be marked 103. If the markings on the old one aren't obliterated, get one with the same markings though the K doesn't really matter, it's just the default cheap grade. If the markings are obliterated, I would suggest 100nF (104) instead.
Some (typically monolithic) capacitors come marked in nF anyway, e.g. "100nJ" (100nF, 5%), which is what you want. Note that that must be a lowercase n; "100N" would mean 10pF with 30% tolerance.
The Jobo motor runs only at about 24V (so your mains voltage is pretty irrelevant); the reason for the high voltage rating on the capacitor is because it's part of a snubber network that needs to absorb all of the inductive energy from the motor when the relay contacts disconnect. That means that the capacitor will charge up to quite a high voltage and you should get the 400V one if you can, if it will physically fit and only if it is of the same type (probably ceramic).
You want either a ceramic or monolithic capacitor. Polyester is acceptable but not great, tantalum and electrolytic are unacceptable.
The resistor and capacitor are both non-polarised, so direction is electrically irrelevant. And because this is a bidirectional motor circuit, the snubber will be operated in both polarities anyway. People tend to try and have all the components facing the same way on the board so that they can be easily read without flipping the thing back and forth.