David, I understand your struggle with Velvia. It is not the easiest film to use for sure. However, don't give up on it. When used rightly, the result is amazing.
I love Velvia for what it is, a high contrast film best used in low contrast scene. What really attracts me is not necessarily the high color saturation, which could be adjusted in photoshop if that is the only difference between Velvia and negative film. What really attracts me is its color separation under soft light. I just got back a few rolls of slides from my trip to Rockies in the fall. I am amazed about all the different shades of green and gold colors in the forest shots I made. When I look at the film on the light table, it is as if time got dialed back and I am back in Rockies again in front of the mountains and forests again. No shots from my Sony A7ii on the scene can compare in terms of color separation. My experience with negative film such as Ektar 100 could be hit and miss in terms of color separation (based on scans from Coolscan 9000), and maybe I just haven't mastered the negative film yet.
Now I rarely use Velvia in mid day high contrast scene. It is not Velvia's specialty and my experience has been that the shots I get are not going to be keepers so why waste the film. I would fall back to negative film if I have to make a shot, but to be honest it is hard to make a good landscape shot with anything (maybe other than B&W) under that kind of lighting, so I might as well just forget about photography and just hike and enjoy the view.
Metering for Velvia needs to be precise but doesn't have to be difficult. A good book on how to metering for Velvia (or other slide film) is The Backpacker's Photography Handbook. It is out of print but there are still many used ones floating around. For the rolls I shot on my last trip, I would say that exposure are good enough for 80% of them for me to have a good scan. FYI, I use a Pentax digital spotmeter.
Grads are challenging to use. for smaller formats (35mm or 645, which I use), soft grads could be more useful than hard grads. Also, there are many things you can shoot without using grads. Many of my favorite shots with Velvia are detail shots with a normal lens or a moderate telephoto. It is all about matching the tool to the job.
Hopefully you can get over the learning curve quickly and start enjoying Velvia.