I can help you a little.
"Sharpening" really doesn't sharpen anything. It just gives an illusion of sharp image. What really happens is, say there is a transition from light gray to dark gray. When sharpening is applied, at the very edge of light becomes dark, the software makes light a bit lighter and dark becomes a bit darker still. So it kind of creates this bump where change is artificially made larger. It's really hard to explain in words, so you might just look up a term "unsharp mask" and see the graphical representation of what happens.
It is important to understand, the detail that wasn't there in original image won't be there after sharpening. If you over sharpen it, this bump gets larger and it will start to look unnatural. In extreme cases, you can see a rim around this transition area. Here, certainly less is better than too much. On contrasty image, it doesn't require much or any at all. In soft image, you can do a little more but not too much. This is all subjective though.
When I print large, I usually view the image on screen at the size it will print. If it looks ok, I send it. Sure, it won't print exactly the same but you'll have to sort of develop an eye for it yourself. Also, when printing VERY large, I usually do a few test print at 8x10 size before committing to the large size (which will cost money). In your case, you might want to pick ONE image, do a few 8x10, then send it for your final size. Once you know what you get, you can do few at a time, until you get a hang of it.
As to size, I tend to scan at high resolution so I can minimize handling of the film. With my scanner, scanning at any higher than 2400dpi gives me no more detail, so that's usually the max I go. If you can view your image and see grain clearly, it's enough. I don't downsize my image because there's no need other than shorter transmission time to the lab over the net. The printer (software) will size it to whatever it can handle, usually 300dpi for paper.