This thread brought to mind an artist statement I saw some years ago that I thought was such a remarkable example of pretentious academic gobbledegook, that I stood and copied it off the gallery wall, word for word, to keep for entertainment purposes.
I found it and will reproduce it in its entirety below, although unfortunately I can't attribute it to its original author, since the art itself and the artist were both much less memorable than the statement. But in the intervening years I've become more familiar with the terminology and syntax of this kind of discourse (what some on this site call artspeak) and I'm convinced on re-reading it now that it must have been intended as a sendup, and may even have been produced by an early version of the postmodernist prose generators you can find on the web nowadays.
"Although my work is located, historically, within the perimeter of abstract expressionism, it is markedly divergent in the formative synthesis of intentional factors of direct experience. Its nucleus is the inherent tension established by the dichotomy in the abrasive flux of what we call culture and nature: the tension created from proximity suggests a remove toward abandonment of the exploratory scheme, interpretive discourse, intrusive phrases and other inevitable pretensions of alienating pragmatic imperatives. A consciousness of the interconnectedness of phenomena in the context of a dynamic of the ratio and scale in human encounters is, instead, created. This is manifested through simultaneity of incidents and perpetual interaction concluding, primally, as pulsations against a shape of visual space."