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Michael Firstlight

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I began making images 50 years ago at age twelve - simply because it was fun. I was proud of the images I developed and printed myself. Family and friends were impressed and it stroked what was my fragile ego and lack of identity at the time. Being the youngest, it gave me confidence in myself, along with the pride and identity that was sorely missing in an adolescent. But at the root of it, I loved being able to express myself through my images and my view of the world with those around me. Though HS and college, I was prolific. I made thousands of images. and loved getting published - whether it was doing the many yearbooks, student and local newspapers, or small exhibitions. But as much as it helped me gain the confidence I had been missing, something happened along the way - I didn't need the images and accolades to stroke my ego anymore; I was making images for myself and for my own memories - and I also loved how the images touched the lives around me. My camera was like a passport. I was everywhere, with everyone, all the time. I gained as much joy connecting with diverse groups of people and individuals from all walks of life. As a result, my social circles grew far and wide. I continued to make images, both as an observer and a participant. Like any craftsperson, it remained part of my identity, but only a healthy facet of it. I had gained additional interests along the way in music, writing, higher ed, and of course the typical diversions of romance.

Of those early images - thousands of frames, only a small fraction were ever seen or published. Decades later I scanned most of those frames and shared them with the hundreds upon hundreds of people with whom I had connected and grown-up - people who were part of the fabric of who I had become. My camera and my art were my passports. The reaction to those images some 40-50 years hence - most of which had never been seen, was incredible. I had visually journaled my life and the lives of so many others around me. Was there ego involved in sharing? Some, but it mattered little - it was the joy those images brought to others back then and now decades later that mattered. It also gave me an entirely new perspective on documentary/journalistic imaging. After sharing those images decades later I thought far more about the images that I had passed up that I didn't make - those are the ones I remember most. It taught me to value image opportunities I might otherwise take for granted.

I never considered the value of my images 50 years in the future, but wish I could have known the scale of the impact it could have - not as a tribute to my own ego, but as a life treasure to others. I don't care one bit about my images 50 years after I am gone - I've been blessed to have had the opportunity to experience seeing how the images I made touched the lives of others and their loved ones 50 years later while I am still living to share that joy.

Michael

Smokin' in the boy's room...

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Down Under

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I think the issues you've shared over the last few weeks may be paralyzing your artistic growth. You're overthinking. Take a good photograph this weekend. Next week, do the same.

This post raises some interesting points. This site has needed resuscitating for a fair while now.

I can say I've enjoyed some of the OP's ongoing ruminations about things photographic, emotional-psychological and occasionally political, tho' many of us not living in North America have surely had an ample gutful of toxic politicking.

Is this a Covid-induced phenomenon? A midlife crisis? An antidote to boredom and the restrictions we've had imposed on us by the current global crisis?

Help is on the way. Here in Australia, the first Covid vaccinations are being rolled out from next week, and I'm already in line for my first jab in early April.

Let's hope that in the next few months things may start going back to normal or what passes for same in our often topsy-turvy and even at times seemingly outright crazy world.

OP, this is not meant to discourage you, rather to stimulate more ongoing discussion about the whys and wherefores of what you are sharing with us. Please carry on.
 

Don_ih

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Believing what you do is valuable, at least in some way to yourself, is pretty important - it will lead you to be more careful and put in more effort. It can also lead to disappointment when the result doesn't match it's ideation. Conceit is not a sustainable state, and it doesn't persevere through an artwork. Whether or not a piece is valued in-itself has moved the issue beyond the artist's conception of his own worth and into some public realm (even if just a small public realm of family/friends). Doubting your own worth can ensure your work never leaves your own personal scrutiny - that kills it as an artwork, which needs an audience.
 
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ChristopherCoy

ChristopherCoy

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I think the issues you've shared over the last few weeks may be paralyzing your artistic growth. You're overthinking. Take a good photograph this weekend. Next week, do the same.

It probably seems that way, but it's actually quite the opposite. Working through these things is actually helping me move forward creatively. NOT working through them is what has paralyzed me up until this point.
 

ced

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I find this kind of discussion futile when all around us seems to be falling apart. Do what you love most, get on with it, don't waste your time analysing if you have lived by the "book".
As another mentioned, get a smile from someone by giving them a gift of your work. Enjoy this day while you are able to.
 
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ChristopherCoy

ChristopherCoy

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This post raises some interesting points. This site has needed resuscitating for a fair while now.
...
OP, this is not meant to discourage you, rather to stimulate more ongoing discussion about the whys and wherefores of what you are sharing with us. Please carry on.

That's largely why I've decided to use the forum as a bit of a "creative support network", as I like to term it. It's easy to get caught up in day to day banter about focal lengths, development processes, and gear talk, while avoiding some of the truer issues in the back of our minds. I know that I have avoided some of these types of discussions, even with myself, because they are difficult to think about or deal with, but that doesn't mean they go away. I have found that the easiest way to make things "go away" is to acknowledge them and talk about them, otherwise they constantly float around in the back of my mind whether I realize it or not. Over time the constant piling up of these things is what becomes "paralyzing" as someone else said, at least for me. What I'm realizing is that the "clearing of the air" that I'm doing is making room for more creative vision.
 
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ChristopherCoy

ChristopherCoy

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Enough is enough. Whenever I've beat myself up long enough, well, it's enough. Go out and help someone who has a real problem.

What makes you so entitled to think that this isn't a real problem?
 
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What makes you so entitled to think that this isn't a real problem?
We all have real problems. Certainly, I do. I'm 76, with diabetes, and had a triple bypass a couple of years ago. I complain a lot. Ask my wife. :smile: But at some point, we have to set them aside and move on. When I'm out focused on my photography, that helps. When I call someone else who's having a problem, lost a relative, or whatever, it takes the focus off of me and thinking about all my problems. I often get it wrong too and forget my own advice. But when I get miserable enough, well, enough is enough.
 

eddie

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I still think it's very brave of you to be sharing your insecurities so publicly. If I were you, I'd remind myself of that when doubts creep in.
 
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ChristopherCoy

ChristopherCoy

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Where’s the popcorn emoji?

Not necessary, it seems to be a healthy conversation thus far.

We all have real problems. Certainly, I do. I'm 76, with diabetes, and had a triple bypass a couple of years ago. I complain a lot. Ask my wife. :smile: But at some point, we have to set them aside and move on. When I'm out focused on my photography, that helps. When I call someone else who's having a problem, lost a relative, or whatever, it takes the focus off of me and thinking about all my problems. I often get it wrong too and forget my own advice. But when I get miserable enough, well, enough is enough.

Certainly there are more dire problems, I get that. I'm also a diabetic, and well, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. That doesn't mean that we can't continue to work on ourselves to become the best that we can be. I think I became miserable enough to say enough was enough, which is sort of how I ended up here. Bugging all of of you folks!
 
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ChristopherCoy

ChristopherCoy

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I still think it's very brave of you to be sharing your insecurities so publicly. If I were you, I'd remind myself of that when doubts creep in.

Thank you.
 
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Not necessary, it seems to be a healthy conversation thus far.



Certainly there are more dire problems, I get that. I'm also a diabetic, and well, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. That doesn't mean that we can't continue to work on ourselves to become the best that we can be. I think I became miserable enough to say enough was enough, which is sort of how I ended up here. Bugging all of of you folks!
Well, we're glad you're here.
 

VinceInMT

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Regarding the issue of archivability, I just stumbled upon this quote from Charles Michael Palahniuk, author of "Fight Club" and other works:

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
 

Vaughn

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Vaughn

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It is amazing...the same desire to leave a permanent mark in the world creates artists, parents, and mass-murderers.
 

Sirius Glass

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My time is too important to thing of questions like this.
 

Sirius Glass

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I don’t think the desire to leave a mark is really the motivation, or at least the primary motivation for many/most great creative/intellectual minds (music, art, science). Not necessarily parents either - sometimes yes if they are particularly narcissistic and delusional but mostly they are just standard selfish. They have children because they want children.

Having children is hereditary. If your parents did not have children, the it is likely that you will not have children.
 

MattKing

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There is a difference between having an ego (which is healthy), and having too much ego (which is being a narcissist or even worse).
And there is nothing wrong with aspiring to create a permanent mark on the world, as long as one gets satisfaction with having a positive effect on the hear and now and at least the short term future.
 

tballphoto

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Regarding the issue of archivability, I just stumbled upon this quote from Charles Michael Palahniuk, author of "Fight Club" and other works:

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
Actually a common qoute from his his novel "Choke" is a more apt fitting descriptor of the world.

"The worlds an orgy, and everyone expects you to take it in the "butt" for them"
 
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Having children is hereditary. If your parents did not have children, the it is likely that you will not have children.
Life is funny that way, isn't it? :smile:
 
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