Working up to the truth

[Clueless]

Cover-My -A to "seem" OK and the truth aren't the same things. I loaned a very expensive lens to a stranger (I wanted to get to know her). She seem very interesting but also very diffedent. Imagination overwhelmed common sense in terms of address, deposit, verification of insurance, references, Etc. There was a dirth of communication. I had her e-mail address and her phone number. Altitude, weather, and impassible roads of winter overtook her darkroom location. I stewed about my impulsiveness. I wasn't using the lens as my darkroom was being relocated. Many months later I fianlly sent an e-mail and the lens appeared very shortly. Now a year later, fate has given me the second opportunity to go through this again. Unfortunately I've not matured "spiritually" to proceed with grace. I am erked with myself either way as I don't believe that I can "gracefully" lend it without a lot of self-talk all the while.
Yet, even loaning equipment to a friend can turn out disastrous. Dropping, theft, tightening too much happen easily. So the truth sees how small I am. I'm chagrinned with my poverty and that's the truth.

 

[Digidurst]

Hmmm... maybe it just turns out that you're human.

 

[jovo]

Well....your screen name is "Clueless" after all. It's not as if you're 'expected' to offer to lend anyone anything. Why not wait a while 'til you develop a relationship where there's the kind of trust that warrants lending something valuable.

 

[jstraw]

You don't want to loan her the lens again and you don't want to hurt her feelings. Is that the concise version? You'd still like to "get to know her." Is that the subtext?

Yep, you're human. Don't beat yourself up. Just decline to loan it again. If she can't handle that major disappoinment with grace, how much more do you need to know?

 

[copake_ham]

Why don't you invite her to visit your darkroom and use your lens there?

 

[Claire Senft]

During life we have to learn some difficult skills. Learn how to say this when asked by others for things you are reluctant or would be uncomfortable or foolish to do: no Accept that it can be done by you in a kind fashion but that someone else may not like it. Remember that you are not required to explain yourself.

 

[blansky]

You're using the lens as a ploy to "get to know her". If you wish to get to know her, ask her out. Don't be such a wus.

As for the lens, if you're all that altruistic, give her the damn thing and forget about it. You're whining about whether she'll hurt it is juvenile.

What you are doing now is contemplating the act of giving, in terms of what you will receive. You are actually trying to barter something. The use of your lens, for her.

The question you have to ask yourself, would you lend the lens to her if you didn't want to go out with her.

Michael

 

[ricksplace]

You're using the lens as a ploy to "get to know her". If you wish to get to know her, ask her out. Don't be such a wus.

As for the lens, if you're all that altruistic, give her the damn thing and forget about it. You're whining about whether she'll hurt it is juvenile.

What you are doing now is contemplating the act of giving, in terms of what you will receive. You are actually trying to barter something. The use of your lens, for her.

The question you have to ask yourself, would you lend the lens to her if you didn't want to go out with her.

Michael

Excellent Answer!!!

 

[Dave Wooten]

She probably did not use the lens...

She just wanted to go out with you

 

[Clueless]

Easy does it...

I didn't seek her out in either instance. Granted I "had" some illusions. As to giving it to her...we're talking about an APO EL Nikkor -105 MM.

 

[blansky]

Everything is an illusion.

If you want some pussy, you're going to have to ask for it.

Leave the lens at home.


Michael

 

[Claire Senft]

Well it would take a lot for me to lend that lens out. We would have to be quite familar with each other and I am in no way meaning that as far as a boy/girl thing.

 

[David Brown]

If you want some pussy, you're going to have to ask for it.

Oh, that's what this is about. I have to admit, the original post left me clueless.:confused:

 

[Michel Hardy-Vallée]

But is he after IT or after a more symbiotic, symbolic, spatial, spiritual kind of encounter? You know, like dating without getting dirty?

I can't figure out if he wants to lend the lens or not; if he wants to date or not; if he wanted advice or not. Or the problem was related to the interconnections between these things. blah...

 

[BrianShaw]

Everything is an illusion.

If you want some pussy, you're going to have to ask for it.

Leave the lens at home.


Michael

Michael is correct, even if the "pussy" being sought is a "spitirual" relationship. Forget the illusion; forget the bartering.

Many years ago I was a nerdy (and horney) graduate student whose research involved collecting data from a wide variety of industrial sources. Part of the job was to call managers and ask for information. Naturally, I talked to a lot of secretaries. One company I wanted data from kept promising it, but never delivering and I was having one heck of a time scheduling a meeting with them. I called every month for two years... each time talking extremely comfortably with the secretary. We talked about business, life, etc. I was head-over-heels in love with her. It was an illusion. After two years of periodic phone conversations I visited that plant. I finally net "her". She turned out to be at least 40 years my senior, looked like my mother, and had pictures of her grandkids on her desk. WAS I EVER SURPRISED! Sure, she was blonde, busty, kind, friendly, intelligent, and had a really sweet voice, but it was all illusion... in terms of any kind of a potential relationship.

Loan the lens if you feel like loaning it; don't loan the lens if you can't take a chance of losing it. If you want a relationship... go there or invite her to your place! Good luck with whatever you do.

 

[Clueless]

Responses seem like a group effort for a soap opera

I wonder how you can follow an art directors' instructions if you are so willing to go off on some of your assumptions and then compound those by adding on top of them. How this issue relates to APUGers is "How we structure loaning out expensive equipment". Poloniouis said to neither borrower or lender be. I discovered that I was stewing over my decision to loan out to a stranger. I never thought it would come up again, but it did. I'd like to be more than my apprehensions but my consciousness has not matured to allow me to be as casual as some would have me. Posting this helped me get clearer. I won't be loaning the lens.

 

[copake_ham]

I wonder how you can follow an art directors' instructions if you are so willing to go off on some of your assumptions and then compound those by adding on top of them. How this issue relates to APUGers is "How we structure loaning out expensive equipment". Poloniouis said to neither borrower or lender be. I discovered that I was stewing over my decision to loan out to a stranger. I never thought it would come up again, but it did. I'd like to be more than my apprehensions but my consciousness has not matured to allow me to be as casual as some would have me. Posting this helped me get clearer. I won't be loaning the lens.

You do get today's prize for obscurity. The simple answer is never lend any gear - at least any that you would miss if it were broken, lost or misappropriated.

 

[blansky]

I wonder how you can follow an art directors' instructions if you are so willing to go off on some of your assumptions and then compound those by adding on top of them.

Your answer presumes that we have any interest in following an art directors instructions.

Secondly whenever we loan anything we have "partnered" with someone. This involves a relationship that we may or may not wish to engage in. Their problems can become our problems.

Why would you want to partner with someone you don't know. Unless if course as you mentioned, you have alterior motives, in which case, as I said, then it's a barter not a loan.


Michael

 

[vet173]

you can get a decent 105 at the auction for chump change. Make it a gift. ( probably cheaper than roses)

 

[Claire Senft]

Yes but a 105 Apo-El Nikkor is extremely good, hard to find, cost more than $2000 when last avilable, is not longer made because it was projected that the cost would have to be about $20,000 to sell with new manufacture.

I do not disagree that there are many bargains available for 105mm enlrging lens or that they will do a good job. If I had an extra one and you wanted to borrow it from me I would be much less reluctant to loan it to you.