People commonly conflate three things: tonality, speed adjustment and contrast control. The latter two are less closely related than many people believe, at least across what one might call a 'normal' range of film contrast (gamma) of about 0,55 to 0,70.
There's also the point of metering technique. The only way to ensure adequate shadow detail without unnecessary overexposure is to meter the shadows directly, preferably with a spot meter. Ansel Adams reputedly said that when he got a spot meter, his exposures increased by a stop.
Tonality
Extra exposure seldom harms tonality, and in the eyes of most, it improves it. This is why many photographers prefer to give anything from 1/3 stop to 1 stop extra exposure. I prefer just 1/3 stop when using a spot meter, but with a through-lens meter (normally designed to give optimum exposure with slide films) I generally give 1 full stop more than the meter indicates. This is neither 'pushing' nor 'pulling', but merely giving extra exposure.
Extra exposure also reduces sharpness and increases grain size, which is obviously a bigger problem with 35mm than with larger formats.
Increasing shadow detail via increased development
Speed adjustment via extended development gives extra shadow detail at the expense of higher contrast. The point at which the increase in contrast becomes unacceptable depends on the subject and the photographer's preferences.
Contrast control
Contrast control is a means of fitting the subject contrast onto the printing paper and is most easily discussed via logarithms.
Let's say that a given paper requires a log exposure range of 0.90 (3 stops, 16:1) to give the full density range of which it is capable: anything outside this range will read either as paper-base white or maximum black. Allow for an enlarger flare factor of 2x (1 stop, log density 0,3) and your negative density range needs to be 1,2 (4 stops, 16:1).
This is regardless of the subject brightness range. Let's say this is 256:1, 8 stops, log range 2.4, and that (once again) your camera/lens flare factor is 2, so the projected image has a brightness range of 128:1, 7 stops, log range 2.1.
Obviously if you map this 1:1 onto the negative, its brightness range will be too long. You therefore develop for as long as you need to in order to reduce 2.1 to 1.2. Divide 2.1 into 1.2 and you get 0.57, a fairly typical negative contrast or gamma.
Slot different figures into the equations -- more or less subject brightness range, different flare factors, different paper grades -- and you get different required gammas. For example, start out with a lower subject brightness range of just 128:1 and leave all the other variables constant and you end up with a projected image brightness range of 64:1, 6 stops, log range 1.8, and the required gamma is 1.2/1.8 or 0.67.
Or leave all the other variables constant but change the flare factor to 1 (a new LF camera with very well blacked bellows and a multicoated lens can approach this) and you end up with 1.2/2.4 or 0,50.
A lot depends, obviously, on your subject matter, camera, lens, enlarger and materials, and changing development time so that your negatives print on your preferred paper is nothing to do with pushing or pulling. Because of the ingenious 'Delta X' criterion built into the ISO standard, effective film speed changes less than most people think. And because the whole system is so flexible -- an extra stop of exposure really doesn't matter much, except in terms of grain and sharpness -- a lot of people who think they are being super-precise are merely taking advantage of this simple truth. Under-exposure, on the other hand, results in a swift loss of tonality.
To sum up
Give whatever exposure you need to get the tonality you like. For most people, this means overexposing -- which is nothing to do with 'pulling'.
Give whatever development you need so that your negative (or with roll and 35mm film, the majority of your negative) will print on your preferred grade of paper. Again, this isn't 'pushing' or 'pulling'.
For what it's worth, I find that with my technique, enlargers, etc., I generally prefer about 10 per cent more development than the manufacturers recommend, in order to print on grade 2. Again, this is not pushing or pulling, merely developing to get the negatives to print the way I like.
You might also care to take a look at some of the free modules in the Photo School at
www.rogerandfrances.com, such as subject brightness ranges and ISO film speeds. These are not just spur-of-the-moment answers like this one, and probably contain fewer errors. They are also illustrated.
Cheers,
Roger