Yep, Xtol can be finicky. I've been up and down this developer and done just about everything that can be done with it, and yet I still love it and what it does.
First off, if you don't feel you really can get comfortable with this developer, I reccommend not using it. There's a lot of other good ones to use and give great results.
IF you feel like you can do Xtol, do it right. Distilled water on mixing, use Only plastic mixing tools and containers, store in dark glass bottles, with Saran wrap sealing tops.
Then, there are a few quirks that make Xtol different. Just as agitation for Rodinal works different than D-76, Xtol is different as well. I've found that active, consistent, random agitation for the first Whole Minute works to eliminate any uneven development. As well, adding more agitation doesn't add an extreme amount of grain, so my regular agitation is pretty active as well.
As well, the Kodak website on Xtol has a ton of info about it. You need to really figure out the numbers correctly, I was getting thinner negs than I liked for one roll until I saw that I was using the wrong grouping, I was using the number for small tank rather than the *replenished* deep tank number, and now that film is perfect. The Kodak numbers are quite comprehensive, and provide contrast index so you can adjust to them.
Most people seem to dislike Xtol, some actively hate. I've used it consistently since it came out, and love it, and will continue to use it.