This issue has been discussed ad nauseum. Kodak even had a publication on the subject, although I believe that it added more confusion than it took away.
It is true that putting graywater from a darkroom into a septic system can create problems. But the question is - under what circumstances will there be problems?
In our former home, we had a septic tank, and I disposed of darkroom graywater by putting it down the drain.
I don't have records of our overall water consumption in that home, but I know that our total household consumption of water in 2007 was 65800 gallons. The bulk of that became graywater - through the full range of household activities (we did irrigate the lawn some during the summer months, but I don't have any way to measure how much water that entailed.)
It's a reasonable assumption that the members of our household consumed about the same amount of water in our former home, and that the bulk of that water eventually ended up in the septic system.
I consider myself lucky to be able to squeeze in one printing session a month. In addition, I may have one or two film developing sessions. Given the way I work in my darkroom, I probably generate 10 gallons of graywater per printing session, and perhaps 2-4 gallons per film developing session. Round that off to a total of 20 gallons per month, or 240 gallons per year.
Now, the chemical content of the graywater is actually quite low. I may use a gallon of developer concentrate per year, and perhaps two gallons of fixer concentrate. That means that only about 1% of the graywater output of my darkroom is something other than water, and that amounts to less than 0.005% of the total volume of water leaving the home.
Is that going to do any harm? I think not.
The point is that a realistic appraisal of the volume of liquid produced by a typical darkroom leads to the conclusion that in most cases, the amount of chemical released to the back yard via the septic tank is insignificant. Now clearly that conclusion would be different if the darkroom is used daily, or perhaps even weekly. And I would also agree that a commercial darkroom (those few that still exist) needs to take aggressive steps to address the volume of graywater they produce.
As you have noted, the major concern about the effluent from the typical black and white darkroom is the silver content in exhausted fixer. That concern can be addressed simply by precipitating the silver out of the fixer before disposing of it - just add some steel wool to the fixer, let it sit for a few days, and decant off the liquid.
And depleted selenium toner is said to be very good for roses.