I carry filters of more than one strength. With 35mm and an in-camera spot meter, I compare the reading for the shadows with the reading for the highlights and choose the filter to suit the situation. The correct exposure depends on the situation and how you want the scene to look. If the difference between shadows and highlights is 2 stops, exposing the shadows at 0 and using a 2-stop grad ND will give you the "correct" exposure for both highlights and shadows. This may not be the look you want - maybe you want the shadows to be a little darker than a "correct" reading and the highlights a little lighter. In that case you could expose the shadows at -0.5. Your highlights would now be at +1.5, and a 1-stop filter would bring them down to +0.5.
You kind of have to play around with it and see what you like. I always bracket, but that may not be such a luxury in 4x5.