Hi Al,
Sorry about the depression - bummer. Hope things are improving - from my observation it's an up-and-down, one day at a time process. Glad your wife is helping too - that's big.
For the size you are planning you would probably find a used Epson R1800 works well. They are very fine-grain printers and the standard ink set works for digital negs. A 3800 would decrease your ink costs if you use a lot, but the upfront cost of both printer and inks is higher. Just be sure you see the printer do a perfect nozzle check and print a smooth tone without banding before you buy.
I'd suggest working with images from your digital camera until you get the hang of things. That way you can put off the scanner purchase for a while. If you search the forum you'll find threads on flatbed scanners, mostly Epson, which is what you'll need for the large format film.
There are free and cheap alternatives to PDN, too. Check the archives.
Best, Ben