The whole discussion so far seems to assume that there is one "best" exposure and one "best" development for a given negative. I find it more helpful to think of exposure and development "ranges." There is a window of exposure from the minimum to the maximum of up to a few stops (depending on film and size) that will get you an excellent print. Similarly, with the contrast controls available in the darkroom, there is a rather large window of development times that will get you a negative that will yield an excellent print.
The object is, with testing and experience, to find an exposure and development scheme that lies in the middle of those two windows. Start with manufacturers' recommendations for both, shoot some film, and adjust as needed. If you find yourself printing everything with a #4 or #5 filter, maybe you should increase your film development times. If you don't get the shadow separation you want, adjust your working E.I.
There's really no substitute for having made a lot of exposures and learned from them.
Best,
Doremus