39mm is the most common modern size for lenses in the focal length range you are considering.
As to lens recommendations, I'd suggest using the Google Search function on APUG to search "Good Enlarger Lenses" to see how this question has been considered in the past.
After reviewing those threads, you may still have questions, so feel free to ask.
75mm is optimal for 6x4.5, but 80mm works fine, and 90mm would probably be fine too with an XL column. A 105mm lens would cover 6x9 (if you should ever go that way) but would yield small prints from a 6x4.5 negative.
Matt