I worked in a darkroom on a septic system for years. Spent developer and stop were mixed and diluted and sent down the drain, as was wash water. Never any problems. Developer has a bit of an oxygen demand, so make sure your system is big enough to handle the extra load.
The ideal situation for fixer is silver recovery. I used to take mine to a local photo lab, which was happy to take it since they got the silver... They have gone now. The hazmat people do not do silver recovery; they just incinerate everything. Jnanians silver magnet would be my choice for a home solution. Fixer with the silver removed can be disposed of in the septic system.
As mentioned, selenium toners can be replenished and reused. If you are clever, you will never have to dispose of anything but some developer, stop and de-silvered fix. A good septic system should handle that just fine.
Oh, so search here and for Kodak tech pub J-300.
Best,
Doremus