This is really nice, I do think a bit more conservative toning would really make it as this has enormous potential. Have you tried bleaching for only 5 to 30 seconds (depends on bleach strength), wash til yellow clears, then KRST bath? should get much a milder browning. One other thought is to 'flash' the paper for .2 ( 2 tenths) or .3 sec's. After you've made the image expsoure and burn / dodge steps, pull the neg carrier out to flash the paper with pure light at the same f-stop, should help smooth those bright sky highlights with some 'toneable' density. Just some thoughts.. hope you don't mind the ideas.