Anima Animus - J

J's statement [to see a general statement about this project, please check the other photos from this series]

My name is J, I’m 20 and I’m from London. My preferred pronouns change on a daily basis and I identify as non-binary and genderqueer.
I’ve been living in London for the past ten years; before I lived in Newcastle and also in Saudi Arabia for a while when I was very young.
I love London because there’s access to lots of good places for trans people, like Gendered Intelligence, where I’ve been going since 2008.
When I was quite young (around 15, 16 years old) I took part in a documentary about my transition for Channel 4, and a lot has changed since then. It was a good experience because it provided further awareness of trans issues, and I know a lot of friends were helped by the documentary: it helped them come out to their parents and their families.
I think my gender identity has evolved since then, and I still think that the media is very binary when it represents trans people- there’s not a lot of scope for non-binary trans people to be portrayed, and I know that in other documentaries about trans people if they had non-binary histories or identified as non-binary, they would cut down their stories and just hide that part of them to stop people being confused, which I think it’s pretty bad because non-binary people already don’t have recognition pretty much anywhere in the world and it’s very hard for us to be taken seriously; for example at work or by medical professionals who are meant to be helping us transition, so I think erasing our stories and journeys is pretty harmful.
When I did that documentary, I was pretty early on in my transition, and I didn’t really know that there were other avenues to go down so I felt scared of coming out as non-binary to my mum when she had just got her head around me being a binary trans person. I was afraid that if I did come out as non-binary so early on in my transition, I wouldn’t be taken seriously. I wanted to start hormone therapy and I was concerned that I’d have to hide that side of me in order to get the doctor’s approval.
Now, I’m out as non-binary to my mum and my friends, and she is accepting of it although she doesn’t really fully get it. She understands the concept that there are more than male and female genders and she’s pretty accepting of me dressing in women’s clothes. She uses my male name, but when we go to the gender identity clinic at Charing Cross she’s quite proactive in getting me treatment, so I’m pretty grateful to her for being understanding and putting it forward with medical professionals who listen to her rather than me. It’s her privilege: she’s older, she’s cisgender and she’s my mum.
At first I went privately for my transition, but now I get my hormones through the NHS (National Health Service) on a repeated prescription. I plan to be on hormones for the rest of my life. I identify as having a male sex, so I like the effects on my body that hormones give me as they fit with how I perceive myself and my biology. I don’t think I could not have testosterone in me: it’s something I’ve always wanted and that I need to have.
I’m going to go for surgery on the NHS (I have just been authorised to get it), as top and perhaps lower surgery is something I am interested in.
At the moment, I’ve written a book based on the documentary 'The Boy Who Was Born A Girl', and I’ve keeping it binary- however, I speak a lot about non-binary identities a lot. I’m very vocal about non-binary people's existence. I’m not outing myself as non-binary but at the same time I’m not keeping quiet.
I find it very easy to date people who are trans, especially non-binary people, because I know that they’re going to understand me and I won’t have to be on my guard around them. Having said that, I’m currently dating a cisgender person! Overall, I think trans people feel safer dating trans and non-binary people because they’re more likely to understand what your journey has been like, your dysphoria and frustrations around your gender. I haven’t really lost any friends over my transition because I didn’t have that many friends beforehand- whilst now I surround myself with queer and trans people! I don’t think I have many cisgender straight friends, actually, maybe one or two!
Currently, I am a volunteer at the Southbank Centre, and I'm looking for work. I finished school early and I’ve been volunteering in different places to gain experience until I got work for two years at an arts organisation.
I’d like to get married in the future and have children. I would get married as a man, and getting a Gender Recognition Certificate is on my to-do list.
I still think that tackling non-binary issues is the next step to starting to get full recognition and inclusion for trans people.