A 30" Roll paper easel. It automatically rolls paper from one side to the other, variable length, completely light-tight on wheels, with a 30" roll of colour paper in it that I've never been able to use...
$1, pickup-only ebay auction

not sure why I own it. Currently in storage
EDIT: Okay, I lied, I own a lot of weird stuff.
8" Automatic roll paper cutter, you set the length of the paper you want, load the roll, and it cuts the paper to size and leaves it in a neat pile at the end. Takes about half a second for each sheet and has a very satisfying slice noise. $1.
Ilford 2150 Automatic RC paper processory, maximum width is 20" (? I think), didnt come with the dryer attachment, but I havent had anywhere to plumb it in to try it. $20 (still had the $950 price tag attached)
A Noritsu C41 film processor & and a Fuji analogue minilab. Plus spare parts for pretty much everything - an entire second minilab in boxes. Roll paper cartridges for the minilab, about a dozen, each with paper from 4"-8". The thing I like about the minilab is that it's just an automatic enlarger, it prints optically - load the negative, it focuses automatically and does all the exposure based on your inputs, then it shoots into the processing unit, then out the other end as a finished optical print. $2.70. Currently in storage for lack of space.